Quotes, Running, and Unfathomable Energy

So yesterday was the 11th of January when it turned out only to get up to 39*F at 2:30 PM before it started dropping down very quickly. =P Cj and I went running. Beautiful sunny day, thinking it was only about 43 and that we were gonna get hot and sweaty, we left our jackets behind. After awhile of running, we realized our extremities were not getting any warmer. About 2/3 of the way through the run, Cj, between breaths, says,"It's like running through life: it's uncomfortable and exhausting. The only thing that makes it worth it is who you're running with." I turned this over and over in the back of my mind for the rest of the time we were out there. It's true... If there was nothing in life, would it really be worth living? If we had no friends, no family, no teachers or students, no God? Not even a pack (pack? herd? whatever...) of lemmings to keep you company. That would like totally be le peaux! There really would be no reason to live except to survive and then die. He brought up a couple other good points about life to, but unless you live in Skagit and know a lil bit about us then it probably wouldn't make sense worth diddly squat. So we were walking out and bringing our heart rates back down and the sun was sinking lower in the west. We talked about not killing ourselves via pain and toughing it out. (I don't like feeling wuss... I hate not pushing past the pain... unless it means hugs) He drove me home and I went on with my day.
Next day (today) was more finals.... It went pretty horribly.... by the end of the day, my stomach was hurtin something fierce and I coulda sworn that if I got another negative comment from anybody, I would lose. I didn't... I lived. I changed for basketball still stewing about hearing teachers and parents stressing finals and stressing students out by stressing finals. Mr. B comes in and we start soaring through a warm up of full court layups with accuracy, intensity, and this contagious positive energy. It was a nice change from the rest of the day. (man, I love my team! go t-wolves!) We shot our 3 pointers and did the Micah'n drill and which took up a total of 15 min out of our 2.25 hr practice. We scrimmaged the rest of the time. x) It was incredible! If we weren't playing, we were running. We literally ran for the next two hours just doing what we do best: playing the game and having a good time.  Afterwards, we still ran our sets of suicide drills, but we tapped into this energy that with a few seconds break, could keep us moving for a long time yet. We were charged, happy, and ready to roll. I can't describe just how amazing it feels to actually work well with people who have just as much love and intensity for the sport as you do yourself. If you don't like sports, too bad! read someone else's blog this round! lol but seriously? Find something you do enjoy... and see if you can break that barrier between exhausted and don't think you can go on, and I'm tired but I don't care, I love what I'm doing right now. See what happens when you do.
I got a Bible final to finish studying for. =)
till it's writ again...

So much...

Do you ever get the feeling like you want to cry, but you have no clue why? perhaps you search and search for a reason but find none, and then you end up feeling like a wuss? It's not dream, it's a nightmare...
I've been getting this strange unsettling feeling for the past month or so.... Everything, building up. NYC was no break. A vacation? yes, but quite the rat race. (i still liked it though). One week's worth of true break and mama constantly heatedly telling us our scholarly troubles and unfinished assignments in our ears. Basketball practice, a capella, snowboarding, 'tourney, choir clinic, and recently? babysitting the pony of my childhood dreams for the next few years! And believe me when I say that this sweet lil-ol-peppy guy is more stress reliever than inhibitor!
my head: "Mama's still freakin, and I'm still growing into me and breaking farther away... Why? what causes all this crap we have to deal in life? It smarts right n bad where it counts on the inside. Can't it just all go away? " fingers fly to work at the keyboard to finish a stray bit of forensics extra credit. " I wish I could run to someplace I know its safe... ... but then wouldn't that get us into more of a fix than we  already are?" fingers lay idly, and my back pushes against the chair, relieving discomfort from an awkward hunched position.  ".... I wish I could go bury my face in Teddy's mane... breathe in his sweet grassy scent... ...listen to his soft whickers and feel his strong muscles twitch and relax.... but I don't think he'll be in the mood of socializing till he really gets nicely settled in..." tap tap, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap... "This is when I pray and give up... surrender my all again to God..."
God (or atleast what sounded like God): "you know I'm always here for you... you know I will take it away if I can but I can give you peace if I'm not allowed to."
me: "but your God! you make the rules, how can you say you would if you could?"
God: "..."
me: "right... the second coming"
God: "I'm coming soon... soon no one will hurt anymore..."
me: "when?"
silence...

me: "right... back to work"
God: "I'm watching over you..."
me: "i wish i felt that more..."
silence again...
Me: " *sigh... i gotta try..."

could a nightmare be turned into a dream?